When God Has His Back Turned Rewrite
by MetaNightmare88
Summary: Yes this is happening. If you wanted to stop it, you should've visited my profile page and answered my poll. I promise this one will be WAY better. Being revised big time, so DO NOT CLICK!
1. The beginning of the end

**You IDIOT! Didn't I tell you that this was being revised? I'm not exactly proud of this story just yet, which is sad since I've had in my head for the past year. Also I want to finally write a LucinaXShulk fic that I'm proud of. So please come back later!**

* * *

The end of the world started with a vacation. Not a black hole or an alien invasion, but when god choose to take a vacation, that is what trigged a war so awful, the very few who survived like to speak of it. It all started when the pokemon who stood for the sky burst in the doors…

"He's coming!" Rayquaza exclaimed. All of the legendary and mythical pokemon where using human form, a form rarely used outside of council meetings. As for the rest of the gods, they looked the same as they did, for they had no reason to change. As for Rayquaza, she took on the form of a human girl, about the age of 21 with sleek green hair pulled back with a blood-red ribbon, while wearing a green, red and yellow samurai outfit.

"Who is?" Cobalion asked taking on the form of a 30 year old man with short turquoise hair with two giant orange horns attached with a headband.

"Arceus" Rayquaza hissed through gritted teeth.

There was a silence. The only thing that could be heard was the rain as it fell outside in small droplets.

"WHAT?!" Xernas shrieked.

"He's going on vacation _now_?" Viridi exclaimed. "Couldn't he have given us a heads up or something?"

"This is bad." Heatran whispered. "Really really bad."

"Quit being a bunch of babies" Terrakion hissed. "We all knew this day would come"

"He's right" Naga said. "We can't rely on Arceus for everything"

"Why can't we?" Nayru asked.

"Because" Palutena mused. "What kind of gods would we be then?"

There was another silence. Each raindrop that fell reminded all of the gods that they're leader, the great Arceus was really leaving. It stayed like that for about an hour until a loud voice boomed across the hall.

"LISTEN UP YOU PIPSQUEAKS!" the voice boomed loudly echoing across the halls.

"It's him." Manaphy whispered to Shaymin in awe. "It's Arceus"

"You don't say" Shaymin whispered back clearly annoyed.

Then, faster than the speed of light, the door opened. It was dark and rainy outside but the background shined with a blinding light that made everyone look away. And just like that, god was standing in the doorway.

Arceus took on the form of a human man, about the age of 27 with a long white ponytail and a lab coat.

"RAYQUAZA WAS SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THIS BUT INCASE SHE DIDN'T HERES THE SCOOP!" Arceus hollered across the room. "I'M GOING ON A NICE YEAR LONG VACATION! AND IF YOU INTERUPT ME OR DO ANYTHING BAD YOU WILL BE PUNISHED SEVERLY!"

"ALRIGHT." Hoopa said. "You don't have to scream.

Arceus whipped his head around to stare at Hoopa. "That little comment has costed you a one month vacation here"

Hoopa's jaw dropped. "But-bu" Hoopa stammered in shock.

"Now then." Arceus said. "Where was I? Oh that's right!" Acreus turned and pointed to Palutena. "I'M LEAVING PALUTENA IN CHARGE! YOU ARE TO OBEY HER EVERY COMMAND!"

"WHAT?!" Viridi and Palutena screamed at the same time.

"M-milord I am v-very h-honored to b-be give th-this duty but are you c-certain." Palutena stammered.

"I am" Arceus said.

"I AM NOT FOLLOWING LITTLE MISS HUMAN LOVING KNOW-IT-ALL FOR ONE YEAR!" VIridi shrieked.

"If you're not ok with it you can leave." Arceus said.

"I will!" Viridi cried as she stormed out. "But this isn't the last you'll see of me! I have a feeling someone, like I don't know, The Dark Alliance will take advantage of this~"

Everyone gasped at the mention of the evil organization that rebelled against Arceus.

"Let them try!" Arceus laughed. "Those fools don't have the guts!"

Meanwhile from the shadows an evil force watched the scene in delight.

"WHAT'S THIS?!" The voice cried in delight. "Arceus _gone_? For the entire _year_!? This sounds almost too good to be true!"

"It is true." A female voice exclaimed. He's leaving tomorrow."

"WELL" the first voice exclaimed. "It would be _such_ a waste to take advantage of that great opportunity! TOMMORROW! The second Arceus leaves we start causing our mischief!"

Many voices started to cheer in delight until a women in red raised her hand, silencing them.

"I'll get to work right away my lord." The women said with a smile. "But… aren't you worried about the heroes of the dimensions? They will try to stop us."

"Hmmm… that's true." The voice mused. Than the voice let out a laugh. 'Let them try. We've been planning this for over a year now!"

Suddenly a hand covered in blood reached out and made a fist.

"I'll be waiting for them."


	2. Another Day

**_Changes that have occurred-_**

 ** _Darkrai is now the main villain who leads the mock force._**

 ** _Shulk's cancer has been replaced with a severe case of depression._**

 ** _Galaxia Knight, Yveltal, Tabuu,Mist and Nina have been cut out of the story._**

 ** _Shulk and Ike are the only narrators._**

 ** _The number of main characters has increased from 5 to 9._**

 ** _No royal family members have disappeared._**

 ** _Events that occur. Some will stay the same, but some will change dramatically._**

 ** _Fox is now a minor villain._**

 ** _They only fighting forces that exist are Darkrai's mock force (Admins won't change) and Meta Knight and his army._**

 ** _The retainer system has been scraped and exchanged for teams of three or four (in the mock force's case)._**

* * *

 _Another day._ Shulk thought to himself as he organized the liquids he used for his research. _Why can't it be over already? It's bad enough that I have to share it with Fox's bakery and Pit's yoga. Why can't I just die already?_

The room had been split in three, making a small room even smaller. The budget for space for the Smashers hobbies was quite low, so they always ended up sharing rooms.

"Do you ever stop studying?" Fox asked as he looked up from the muffin batter he was making. "I swear you're the biggest nerd I know. You're an even bigger nerd than Slippy for god's sake!"

"There's nothing wrong with research." Shulk muttered trying to sound confident.

"I guess you could say you're really researching it!" Pit laughed.

"Was that supposed to be funny?" Fox asked. "Because it's not."

"Come on!" Pit said as he went into tree pose. "I had to say something! I know it doesn't rhyme with feeling but it's good enough! Hey can I have one of your muffins when you're done?"

"Sure thing." Fox said. "Shulk is the only one who isn't allowed to have one."

"I don't want one." Shulk snapped. Ever since they began to share the activity room, Fox made it his mission to make Shulk's life miserable. Most of the time it included name calling, pranks and teasing him about the smallest things.

"OH! What's this?" Pit cried as he walked towards Shulk and grabbed a brown vile from the test tube rack and began to drink it.

"WHA-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Shulk cried.

"Drinking this." Pit gulped. "What can I say? I'm thirsty! EW. Gross. What is this stuff?"

"Strychnine I mixed this morning!" Shulk shrieked clearly in panic as he pulled out his phone and dialed 911. "We need to get you to a doctor. And fast!"

"Why are you overreacting?" Fox asked. "You're acting like this stuff is a deadly poison!"

"It is a poison!" Shulk hissed. "It'll kill him in about 2 or three hours. Now if you can excuse me I need to call the hospital."

"Wha-what?" Pit cried suddenly looking scared. "Why did you make it in the first place?"

 _So I could drink it._ Shulk answered in his head. _It's better for everyone if I just die_."That doesn't matter right now!" He held his phone up to his ear.

"Hello?" A voice said over the phone.

"We have an emergency!" Shulk cried.

"Again?" The voice said sounding bored. "Let me guess? Someone nearly died again?"

"WHA-No this is the first time this has happened!" Shulk cried. "I don't have time to explain because-"

"AHHHHHHH!" Pit screamed as he began to scratch his back like a mad man (or angel).

"Someone just broke into a rash due to poison." Shulk finished. "So yeah. Can you get here quickly? Thanks."

* * *

"So." Fox said. "This is the new hospital Master Hand installed. Fascinating. Why do we need it again?"

"To save idiots." Shulk mused as he put down his book. "Like Pit for example."

Fox's eyes narrowed. "You still haven't apologized yet."

"For what?" Shulk asked feeling confused.

"For poisoning Pit." Fox snapped.

"Wha-I didn't ask him to drink it!" Shulk cried.

"Yes but you made it." Fox snarled. "Therefore it's all your fault. And this wasn't the first time something like this has happened. Remember?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I didn't mean to fill the room with Xenon gas it just happened!" Shulk cried his voice cracking. "And it didn't hurt anyone! Xenon is actually one of the elements in our atmosphere…"

"No one cares you stupid dumb-ass nerd! How could you find that shit interesting! I guess it's the product of being an orphan who no one loves. Are you about to cry?" Fox hissed as a tear rolled down Shulk's cheek. "Weakling. You deserve to be alone. Not even the Freak Patrol would accept you!"

As if fate had beckoned them the three leaders of the proclaimed 'Freak Patrol' entered the room. The freak patrol was a group of smashers (and one assist trophy) who were banded together by Master Hand to protect the city of Oykot from harm. The leaders where Meta Knight, Lucario and…Lucina. Shulk blushed just at the thought of her. And she was looking at him with…concern.

"Are you ok?" Lucina asked.

"I'm fine!" He said a little too quickly. "Yeah. Now if you'd excuse me, I have somewhere to go."

"Are you certain you want him?" Meta Knight whispered as Shulk walked upstairs to the roof. "You only get one person from Smash and one person from the outside on your team."

Lucina nodded. "He's a formidable foe and enemy for anyone. There's no one else I'd rather have."

Meanwhile, Shulk was climbing the large staircase that lead to the roof. _Why does it have to be so far up? Anyways it's time to do what I wanted to do with the poison…but this time by jumping._

He opened the door to the roof. It was rather windy up there, and there were railings around the edges.

 _So. This is it._ Shulk thought as he climbed over the railing. _It's better for everyone this way. I'm making the world a better place. Even the huge Sableye with a gun that is currently walking into the hospital isn't trying to stop me…WAIT A SECOND!_ Shulk climbed back over the railing quickly. _That's not normal is it?_

"What are you doing?" Shulk asked as he whipped out the Manado.

The Sableye turned around. "Who was that…Oh? A human. You guys are even cuter in real life than in the pictures."

"Never mind that." Shulk said as the Dusclops walked over to him. "We need to talk…HEY!" Shulk yelled as the pokemon licked him. "Do not turned this into a tentacle rape hentai!"

"I have no plans to." Sableye smiled as he backed Shulk into a corner. "I've never even heard of that anyways. I'll have to google it when I go back to the evil alliance. Anyways, I'm here to kill the Freak Patrol and kidnap Master Hand. So don't sound the alarm ok?"

Shulk slapped his head. "Of course I'm sounding the alarm!" He snapped. _Man this guy is stupid._ "I don't know anything about the Freak Patrol, heck I only know who the leaders are, but I'm not going to let you kill them! As for Master Hand, you can forget it! It's not going to happen whether you like it or not! And what the hell is the evil alliance anyways?"

"Where a secret union united under Darkrai." The Sableye said before it put both of its hands over its mouth. "Opps. Just pretend I didn't reveal that ok? The other guys back home are always telling me I give too much information away whenever I talk! I'm starting to wonder if that's true! Anyways I'm going to kill you now! Is that OK?"

"Fine." Shulk snarled. "Kill me all you want. I came up here to die anyways. But I'm not going to let you get through!"

Shulk thrusted his blade at the Sableye, causing zero damage. It smiled then tossed Shulk in the air using Psychic and dropped him.

 _Ouch._ Shulk thought as he struggled to get up. _That hurt._

"You look like you're in pain." Sableye beamed. "All I did was hit you one time! Pathetic! You really want to die don't you buddy? Either that or I'm stronger than I thought!"

"Psychic causes 90 damage on its own." Shulk winced as he stood up. "Dropping me also added some damage. If I can calculate how much, which I can, I'd guess that you caused 20 damage. That accounts as 110. Therefore it's not my fault I'm in pain."

"WOW!" Sableye cried. "I am stronger than I realized! SO EXICTING! Now prepare for my…OWW!" He screamed as Lucina suddenly appeared out of nowhere and stabbed Sableye in the chest.

"Lu-Lucina?" Shulk cried in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"I was going to invite you to join our Patrol but then this creep showed up." Lucina snapped. "Don't get me wrong, I still want you to join but I have to kill him first. Now then. How much damage did I do?"

"ZERO!" Sableye cried. "Fighting moves don't affect me!"

"But if that's true…then why did you scream in pain?" Lucina demanded.

"To troll you!" Sableye beamed. "Wait a second…why are you two the stars! Not fair! You star in everything! I'm going to go hang myself now!" He grabbed a rope with a loop at the end and wrapped it around his neck.

"Good." Shulk snapped. "Leave. Wait a second? Did you just say you wanted me to join the Freak Patrol?"

Lucina nodded. "Your strength impresses me. That being said, I want you to join my team. Do you accept?

"NEVER MIND THAT!" Sableye cried suddenly out of his hanger. "I wish we could play some more, but The Great Ruler just sent me a message telepathically saying that I need to leave! Bye bye!"

Sableye teleported out of the room.

"So." Lucina said. "I believe it's time to introduce you to others."


	3. Fighting force

"Interesting." Ike mused to himself as he watched the TV. "So if I switch to Geico I could save 15% or more on car insurance? That's probably something I'll never need to use!" He looked over at the assist trophy that had volunteered to join them in order to fill in for Villager who couldn't join due to his Gangnam style dance class. "WAKE UP!" He yelled.

"AUGGGGGH!" Isabelle yelled as she jerked up. "Huh? Did I fall asleep?"

"Yes." Ike snapped. "Do you not remember your responsibilities? Or do you only work when your Major demands it from you?"

"I…I…um…" Isabelle muttered. She hated being confronted and tried to avoid it whenever possible. "Let's just get on with the duty we took alright? After all this is just the headquarters! Now it's time…to binge watch all of Miraculous Ladybug before season two!"

"Alright then." Ike said as he set his feet on the table. "Let's see…what episode are we on again? Oh that's right! We were on the Puppeteer!"

"That's right!" Isabelle mused. "Do you need anything?"

"The only thing I want is to see Marinette and Adrien kiss." Ike mused as Lucario, Lucina and Meta Knight entered the room, followed closely by Shulk.

"Hello there Boss!" Isabelle bowed to Meta Knight. "Do you need anything put into place?"

"Yes." Meta Knight said as Lucario walked over to Ike.

 _Dang it!_ Ike shrived to himself. _Did I do something wrong? Relax Ike. It's just YOUR FUCKING TEAM LEADER!_

"It's a Donnybrook" Lucario whispered.

Ike nodded. To hide what they were really doing (due to their real mission being top secret) they had words used to express what they really meant. They didn't know any of the real meanings though. Donnybrook meant 'act all friendly because someone new is coming to join us and we want them to stay.' So really it was like whenever your relatives came to visit.

"Don't just stand there!" Isabelle said as she pushed Shulk onto the couch. "Come on! Make yourself at home!"

"I really don't know…" Shulk said as Ike shoved a giant Snickers up his mouth.

"Here!" Ike yelled. "EAT!"

"PFFT!" Shulk spit out his Snickers. "Really this…"

"What TV shows do you watch?" Isabelle beamed. "I'll be more than happy to-"

"ENOUGH!" Shulk yelled. "Stop trying to butter me up so I'll stay!"

"H-how could you tell that's what we were doing?" Lucina asked.

"It's obvious." Shulk hissed. "Anyways, I already know all of you. Your name is Ike if I can remember correctly."

Ike nodded. "So. Your Lucina's first recruit huh? Neat."

Shulk nodded. "It seems like a good offer, as long as I get to kill that Sableye. Anyways, your name is Isabelle right?"

"Yup." Isabelle said as she pulled out a clipboard. "I'm the Major's replacement. So tell me, what's your name."

"Shulk." Shulk smiled and waved. "Nice to formally meet you! Anyways, what do you guys really do?"

"What does that mean?" Lucina asked.

"Come on, Oykot doesn't need to be protected." Shulk said. "They have all the security they need. Security cameras, lasers, police men and cyborg kitties. They don't need you. No offense.

"They do." Meta Knight reasoned. "All of that won't protect them from the E.V.I.L organization."

"The what?" Shulk asked.

"The energetic valedictorians in large." Lucario said. "But we like to call them the Evil Organization."

"That's the same force Sableye mentioned." Shulk gasped.

Lucina nodded. "They started a hundred years ago under the rule of Giratina. There main goal is to overthrow Arceus and control the dimensions. And now…you might not know this but 2 weeks ago Arceus went on vacation. They've had a field day with that."

"So…your goal is to take down Giratina?" Shulk asked.

"No." Ike said. "As of now he is no longer in charge. Darkrai is the current leader. And she's though, which we know because we fought her yesterday. I wonder how she'll react to us. Anyways we take patrols in groups of three so there's less time."

"I see." Shulk said. "So I'm going to be on Lucina's team?"

Lucina nodded. "The other three we recruit won't be from smash, you know to get some diversity."

"One question however." Shulk said. "Why keep this a secret?"

"The Major said something about all of the gods not wanting to get in trouble with Arceus when he came back." Isabelle said. "So Master Hand selected the three smashers who could keep secrets the best to be our leaders. Ike is on Lucario's team while I'm subbing in for Major on Meta Knight's team. We don't have anyone else yet."

"Is diversity really all that important?" Shulk asked.

"Not really." Lucina admitted. "We just need to look less suspicious and we can't do that if all of us are from Smash. Also Metanightmare88 has some characters she wants to include"

"Wait a second…" Shulk said. "The people of Oykot don't know what you're doing?"

"No." Lucario said. "As a matter of fact we take temporary jobs just to blend in. Meta Knight and his team are window wipers, me and my team serve as taxi drivers and you and Lucina are starting work as waiters tomorrow."

"Our bosses know what we're up to so it's ok." Lucina said. "We can leave at any time given the emergency."

"Alright then." Shulk smiled. "What are we doing tomorrow?"

"Going to work." Ike mused. "We're going to wait and see how Darkrai reacts to us. I mean come on! It's not like she's going to, I don't know, copy our group and make it better!"

* * *

"So. You really copied their group and made it better?" A voice coming out from a void asked.

"Of course I did!" A girl with a long white ponytail and a black dress exclaimed as she sat on her throne. "Just think of it! Three groups like them, but each has a team of four instead of three, one of who in each is a goddess! And do you know who they serve?"

"You?" The voice asked.

"ME!" The girl cried as she spread her legs out. "I'm so _lucky!_ Just think! Who else could've gotten some forgotten characters to lead us to perfection? It's flawless! No, that's the wrong word. Let me think of the right one…Oh that's it! FABOLUS!"

"Don't break out into song." The voice snapped. "And may I remind you the only reason I put you in charge Darkrai?"

"It's because I'm stuck in here, Yveltal got caught by a 10 year old, Zanza got chopped in half, Grima is taking a nap, Hades got his head blown off and Tabbu is dead!" The voice and Darkrai mused in unison.

"Whatever!" Darkrai said as she drank a glass of wine (despite looking too young to drink it). "I've done way more than those clowns! Anyways, I'll prove myself tomorrow by killing Arceus's ally! No biggie! Just let me do my thing. I will make this organization proud."


	4. Horror Movies

"Now then." Lucina smiled. "Now that you've been admitted, its time to start training."

"Training?" Shulk echoed. "But I already know how to…"

"Fight?" Lucina finished. "I don't care. You see, you don't need to learn how to fight. You need to learn to be fearless."

"That's impossib-"

"I don't care." Lucina snapped as she grabbed his shirt. "Tell me. Why did you choose to join us?"

"Uh…" Shulk muttered. "I was bored…"

"That's not good enough!" Lucina screamed.

Shulk winced. _Wow. She's way tougher than I thought._

"All of us fight for something." Lucina mused. "Meta Knight fights to avenge his fallen comrades. Lucario fights to protect Sir Aaron. Isabelle fights for the Villager. And Ike fights for his friends. So what do you care about? Is it money? Because I have a lot of that if you want some."

"Uh…Sure thing." Shulk muttered. "I could use some money, not that I'm broke but…"

"So you wanted to exploit me?" Lucina snarled.

"N-NO!" Shulk cried. "I-I just wanted to…" _Get to know you better. Because I really only know your backstory, and despite all of that… I found myself in love with you._

"Never mind." Lucina mused as she let him go. "This probably isn't doing much for first impressions is it?"

Shulk shook his head.

"Alright then." Lucina smiled all of her anger gone. "Now then. Let's start our movie marathon!"

"Movie marathon?" Shulk echoed, feeling confused. "I thought you were going to make me strong."

"I am." Lucina smiled as she held up a disc that read 'Nightmare on Elm Street.' "We're going to watch this until you're no longer afraid of it."

"Well then." Shulk smiled. "How hard could that be?"

 **After the movie…**

"So." Lucina smiled. "Did you survive that?"

"N-no…" Shulk shrived as he covered himself with a blanket. _Holy shit._

"That's to be expected." Lucina mused. "I'll give you a fifteen minute break and you can go back to your science tomorrow morning."

"H-how did you know I was a scientist?" Shulk asked.

"I've been watching you for a while." Lucina mused.

"W-why?" Shulk cried.

"Reasons." Lucina snapped. "Oh relax. I only watched you in your dorm and at the library."

"How can I relax?" Shulk whimpered.

"Your being a baby." Lucina said. "Now then. I guess I have to show you the pictures."

"What pictures?" Shulk asked as Lucina pulled up a picture of a kitten snuggling with a puppy on the TV. "Aw. How cute…"

"Do you prefer this?" Lucina asked.

"Any sane person would say yes." Shulk mused.

"Good." Lucina said as she sat down. "Now then. I guess I have to explain the E.V.I.L for you. First of all, the acronym makes no sense whatsoever. They just choose their name to seem like the bad guys, even though half of the workers have no clue that they are evil. And speaking of names, we need something more dignified than Freak Patrol. Do you have any ideas?"

"No…" Shulk answered.

"Alright then." Lucina mused. "And we will need a team name as well. Meta Knight's group are called the Knights of Justice while Lucario has the Aura Warriors. But let's marvel on that later. The second fact about our villains is more about their current leader. She's a huge theater nerd. So expect some kind of musical number when you face her."

"Got it." Shulk nodded. "Meanwhile, is there anything I can do for you once, you know, I get used to horror movies?"

"Hmmmm… let me see…" Lucina mused to herself. "I'd love to get to know more about you, since, you know I'll be trusting you with my life and stuff."

"I see." Shulk nodded. "Well, for starters I am 18 years old, blood type A, while my birthday is September 19, and my skin tone is type I, while my…"

"Not that kind of stuff!" Lucina cried. "I mean, like personality quirks and stuff. For example. I hate any kind of bug, I love reading and…"

"Sorry." Shulk said. "That kind of relationship… it wouldn't work for us." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lucina asked.

"Our relationship must be purely formal." Shulk mused as he turned on the TV. _This is for your own good. If you grew to know me, you'd end up hating my guts and we'll both be miserable._ "We need to stay focused, especially when our jobs start tomorrow."

"Shulk…" Lucina mused as a screenshot on the TV read 'C support achieved'.


	5. Fanservice Cafe

**WARNING!- Massive amounts of fanservice! I wrote it that way, to exploit its many horrors. Sorry guys. Next chapter will be way better.**

* * *

"Tell me you read the directions wrong." Shulk begged as he looked at the place where they would start working.

"I wish I did." Lucina said as she looked at the sign of the restaurant. It read 'Kawaii Café'.

The whole place was pastel pink with rainbows and kittens bursting out of it. A bright blue door opened as a man with short green hair in a tuxedo with blue dog ears and a tail.

"WELCOME Woof Woof Woof!" The man cried as he hoped around, clearly trying to imitate a dog. "I'm the owner Woof Woof Woof, but you can just call me the King of Cuteness Nya Nya Nya!"

"What's with all of the Woofs?" Shulk asked.

"Don't be rude!" Lucina exclaimed as she elbowed him. "Anyways my name is Lucina. The blonde one is Shulk."

"Nice to meet you Woof Woof Woof!" The King cried. "You two are awfully cute Woof Woof Woof. I can tell you'll fit right in Woof Woof Woof! In fact you would make an awfully cute couple Woof Woof Woof! Are you dating Woof Woof Woof?"

"WHAT!" Both of them cried at the same time. They looked at each other and blushed.

 _If only we were a couple._ Shulk thought to himself. _I had a weird dream where we embraced but then I woke up and it was over. In reality she wants me dead, and who could blame her? I'm a stupid, horrible person who deserves to die._

"No we're not." Lucina said. "But he is amazing company."

"Alright then Woof Woof Woof!" The King said. "Anyways, I'll tell you the rules Woof Woof Woof. No cursing Woof Woof Woof, no breaking character Woof Woof Woof-"

"Character?" Shulk asked.

"Oh that's right Woof Woof Woof!" The king cried as he handed Lucina a dress. "You get a different character based on what job you have Woof Woof Woof! Because you're a waiter Lucina Woof, you get to be a Maid Woof Woof Woof!"

"What!" Lucina blushed as she took the dress and held it up. "Is there another option?"

"Nope Woof Woof Woof!" The King beamed. "Don't worry. It's the perfect size and fits you perfectly Woof Woof Woof!"

"Great." Lucina muttered as she buried her face into the dress. "Just great."

"Hey." Shulk said as he put his hand on her shoulder. "It's not like you have to wear nothing."

"SHULK Woof Woof Woof!" The king mused. "Because you are one of those people who guide customers to their seats, you will be wearing a uniform with cat ears, tail and collar Woof Woof Woof!"

"WHAT!" Shulk cried in dismay. "Do I have to?"

"Yes Woof Woof Woof!" The King barked. "Here's a manual Woof Woof Woof! Now get dressed Woof Woof Woof! Oh and press the red button on this walkie talkie when there's an emergency, and I'll let you go deal with it Woof! Now, get going Woof Woof!"

* * *

 _Am I really doing this?_ Shulk thought as a couple approached the stand. _Oh…this is going to be the most embarrassing thing I've ever done! Why did I not die on that day?_

"Hello." An orange haired man said. "I could care less about dinner or lunch for that matter. I just came for the candy. So if you could get me some that, it would be sweet."

"Sure thing Meow Meow Meow!" Shulk exclaimed as he turned around and grinned. "What do you want Meow? I'll get it for you on the double Meow Meow!"

"What in the blazes?" The man said. "Are you one of those cringy things that's supposed to be cute?"

"Don't be mean Meow!" Shulk exclaimed as he picked up his tail and batted at it. _This is so embarrassing_. "Just tell me what you want Meow Meow!"

"Fine." The man snapped. "Get me a sucker. I'm came to this strange place because it said they had good candy."

"Sure thing Meow!" Shulk smiled. "I'd love that Meow! Almost as much as I love milk Purr Purr!" _AUUUURGGGH! Is this really what my life has led to? Thank Bionis my friends from back home aren't here._

"Gaius." A women with wavy brown hair said. "This is creeping me out a little."

"Really Stumbles?" Gaius asked.

The women nodded. "It's probably silly but there's something…off about a grown man acting like a cat in public."

"It's alright Sumia." He said dropping the nickname and wrapping his arm around her. "Forgot the candy. I'll just steal it from you later."

"Come back soon Meow Meow Meow!" Shulk waved as they walked out the door. He then sat down and put his hands over his head. "That was so humiliating!" He cried. "Why can't I just die already?"

The door opened as Shulk stood up and smiled.

"You can do this Guzma." A man with spiky white hair whispered as he walked up to the stand. "Just walk up there, order the food and ignore the cuteness."

"Welcome Meow Meow!" Shulk danced. "Would you like a table Purr Purr Purr?"

"Nope not doing it." Guzma said as he walked out. As he opened the door a huge Sableye entered.

 _Oh no._ Shulk thought to himself. He pressed the red button on his walkie talkie as Sableye's gemstone eyes lit up.

"Buddy!" He yelled as he wrapped his though around Shulk's waist. Everyone stopped eating and started to stare as Lucina ran over to them.

"What are you doing here?" Lucina asked.

"Having fun!" Sableye beamed as he let Shulk go. "Oh, by the way I looked up the tentacle thing. So gross yet fascinating!"

"WHAT!" The king screamed as he walked towards them. "You can't do that in here! It's a kid friendly environment! So get your ass outside and stay there BITCH!"

"So much for kid friendly." Shulk whispered to Lucina.

"Fine." Sableye said as he walked outside into a dark alley with Lucina and Shulk in tow. "Wow!" he grinned. "Who would've guessed you two worked here? I came to view humans in their natural habitat and BAM! Mind if I lick you again?"

"YES!" Shulk yelled. "I mind!"

"Wow. Mean." Sableye mused as a Tentacruel came out from behind him. "Well, I guess it's not as mean as us creating our own version of your group and using our third admin to ambush your third, but it is mean."

"Y-you did that!" Lucina cried.

"Yes." The Tentacruel smiled.

Lucina turned around. "We need to warn Lucario."

"Right." Shulk nodded as the Tentacruel suddenly wrapped his tentacles around Shulk, preventing him from going anywhere. "HEY! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TENTACLES?"

"To bad." Sableye mused as the tentacles got to work. "Darkrai told me to do this to the first main character I meet to scar the audience for life!"

"Wha-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Lucina cried as she looked away. "Is Darkrai really so evil that she'd make the audience uncomfortable?"

"Yup." Sableye nodded. "She claims it 'gives her a certain charm.'"

"S-STOP!" Shulk screamed. _Words cannot describe how messed up this is. Its times like this that I want to pull out Filthy Frank's 'it's time to stop'. This is way too much! I hope Lucario is OK. Oh what am I thinking! He'll be fine!_

* * *

 **THAT IS IT FOLKS! DARKRAI IS SO EVIL THAT SHE'LL EVEN MENTALLY ABUSE THE AUDIENCE! Sorry about that everyone. For those of you who knows nothing about tentacles then HANG ON TO YOUR INNOCENCE! Or look up 'Anime Tentacles.' But it will scar you for life 100%!**


	6. No Music No Game

"You ready?" Darkrai asked as three mortals nodded. A small shadowy figure watched them as he ate a donut.

"What's that idiot up to now?" The figure asked. "Oh well. I need to figure out how to kill them and fast!"

"Is someone…screaming?" A man's voice asked.

"Oh." Darkrai said. "That's nothing but the pure terror of the citizens. Why must I always cause nightmares when I visit a city?"

"Wait a second!" A women's voice cried. "Is that why I've been having nightmares every night?"

"Maybe." Darkrai admitted. "Anyways. Third. Are you ready to advance?"

"Yes my liege." A man's voice said. "My team and I are ready to attack."

"Good." Darkrai smiled. "What song did you pick to sing? I can't wait to see the choreography you came up with!"

"Uh…yeah…about that." Third muttered. "None of us selected one."

"WHAT?" Darkrai cried.

"Is it really needed?" The women asked.

"Yes it's needed!" Darkrai snarled. "You can't just face your rival without a musical number! That's a basic rule! I selected songs from Disney Movies, Broadway Musicals and movies! AND…YOU…DIDN'T…SELECT…ONE!"

"In our defense…" The man said.

"FORGET IT!" Darkrai screamed. "I'll lead the ambush because I actually choose and practiced a song! You three will just sit in the shadows and introduce yourselves! But tomorrow…WE FOCUS ON MUSICAL NUMBERS!"

* * *

"Come on!" Meta Knight gasped. "I have no clue why Lucina pressed the red alert but we need to hurry. NOW!"

"Fine!" Isabelle huffed as she carried window cleaning supplies. "What's the rush anyways? I mean where running in an Oykot street! Do you know how many injuries have occurred due to people getting hit by-AAHHHH?" She screamed as she dodged a car. "Cars!"

"We need to hurry!" Meta Knight carried. "Drop the cleaning supplies! We can just buy more later!"

"Alright!" She cried as she threw them. They crashed into a window. "Opps. Didn't mean to do that."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Thousands of voices in the city seemed to screamed in harmony as Meta Knight and Isabelle crossed a corner than gasped.

A gigantic Sableye was tearing up paper in agony while a gigantic Tentacruel was shrinking and screaming at the Sableye. And in the middle of it all Lucina (who looked rather smug) was holding a shirtless Shulk in her arms.

"I think this might be the weirdest scene I've ever seen." Isabelle whispered to Meta Knight. "You?"

"I've seen a man dressed as Deadpool riding a punk rocker unicorn while wielding a lightsaber in one hand and a hot dog in the other all while singing the Pokemon opening." Meta Knight whispered back.

"You win." Isabelle mused.

"WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THAT?" The Tentacruel screamed.

"All I did was made you huge and put you under mind control." Sableye responded. "You should be thanking me for that!"

"THANKING YOU!" Tentacruel bellowed. "I agreed to follow Darkrai, but I didn't know she would make me do THAT! You could've warned me!"

"Th-thank you." Shulk breathed. "That was so awful I don't even have the words."

"Consider it a thank you for when we first met." Lucina smiled.

"Wha-what happened again?" Shulk asked. "Sorry. When you get raped by tentacles you…"

"Hey!" Isabelle whispered as Meta Knight covered her ears.

"I know what just happened." Meta Knight mused as his eyes turned green. "It's a fetish so disgusting that scars people for life. You'll thank me someday."

Lucina groaned. "I tripped and dropped all of my books in front of everyone and you helped me pick them up."

Shulk smiled. "I guess that did happen."

"HELLO!" Meta Knight screamed. "Sorry to ruin the moment, but I need to ask why you pressed the red button."

"RIGHT!" Lucina blushed as she let Shulk go. "Lucario is in danger. Darkrai copied our group and is sending her Lucario counterpart to kill him."

"Wow." Meta Knight mused. "Alright. Do you know where he is?"

"Wait a second!" Lucina cried. "You don't know?"

"No." Meta Knight answered trying to sound calm. "I would ask him, but my walkie talkie's battery just ran out. Can you call him?"

"Sableye ate mine." Lucina responded. "Do you have Ike's phone number?"

"No." Meta Knight said. "What about you two?"

Isabelle shook her head.

"No." Shulk said as his phone rang. "The only numbers I have are my roommate's and the people who I share the activity room with." He opened up his phone and looked sad for a moment.

"Are you OK?" Isabelle asked.

"What?" Shulk asked. "I'm fine. So what are we going to do now?"

"Alright." Meta Knight said. "Me and Shulk will go north, while Lucina and Isabelle go south."

"Splitting up?" Lucina asked. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"No." Meta Knight admitted. "But it's the only chance we have. Now come on. We'll meet up at the Kawaii Café later."

* * *

"HEY!" A man screamed. "Don't run in my store!"

"Sorry." Meta Knight muttered.

 _Damnit._ Shulk thought as he looked around at all of the power tools. _One hour has gone, yet still no trace of Lucario. Well guess I better ask around._

"Hello?" Shulk asked a women with white hair. "I'm looking for a Lucario. Have you seen one around?"

"Huh." The women responded. "I've never even heard of that."

"Oh right!" Shulk laughed. "Long shout. Pointed ears. Yellow blue and white fur with bones on its paws."

"I'm afraid not." The women responded as she started to walk away. "Now I need to pick up some skell parts…"

"Thanks. Hey you." Shulk said as he grabbed a blue haired women. "Have you seen a creature with blue fur?"

"No. Please forgive me." The women bowed as she walked away, singing under her breath. _You are the ocean's grey waves._

"Alright." Shulk mused as he walked towards Meta Knight who was waiting in line. "So no sign of him here huh? Hey Meta Knight. No one seems to know where he is."

"Keep on asking. I'm going to buy a new battery." Meta Knight said as a strange purple creature with two horns cut him. "Excuse me. I was here first."

"Sorry but I'm trying to SAVE THE WORLD!" The creature yelled as he floated forward. "Listen lady I need a chainsaw. And don't make it small. I have an evil witch to defeat and a Lucario and a really buff guy to protect."

"WHAT!" Meta Knight and Shulk screamed at the same time.

"Is there a problem?" The creature asked. "Sheesh. I miss the days where mythical pokemon could buy a chainsaw without people gasping in shock."

"Take us there." Meta Knight snapped.

"OK!" The creature yelled without argument. He grabbed a ring and opened up a portal. "The name's Hoopa by the way."

"Meta Knight." Meta Knight responded as Shulk picked him up. "Put me down. Now."

"I just wanted to ask you something." Shulk said. "Are we really going to jump through this portal with a total stranger? We could end up in hell or some other gastly place. Heck that might not even be a portal!"

"Would you rather spend the rest of the night searching Oykot for them?" Meta Knight asked as he narrowed his eyes.

"No way." Shulk admitted as he stepped into the ring. It didn't kill him (much to his surprise) but transported him to a subway station where Lucario and Ike where facing Darkrai. Three figures in the background stood still.

"FOOLS!" Darkrai bellowed. "You cannot win!"

"I will win if it's against YOU, you Danganronpa character who claims to be a Pokemon!" Lucario snapped.

"WHAT!" Darkrai screamed. "I'm both honored and offended at the same time! Honored because I love Danganronpa and offended because you doubt me! HYPER BEAM!"

Shulk ran forward and blocked the blast with his sword.

"Wha- What are you doing here!" Ike cried.

"We heard that you would be attacked by your counterpart." Meta Knight mused as he and Hoopa walked forwards. "But I never dreamed that you'd be attacked by the great Darkrai herself would attack you."

"Hello there." Hoopa snarled as he stuck out his though.

"Why hello to you." Darkrai hissed. "My third was…unprepared for the battle. I could not send him out unprepared. How bad do you think I am?"

"Awful." Shulk admitted.

"Horrible." Meta Knight snapped.

"Monstrous." Lucario mused.

"Rotten." Ike spat.

"Evil." Hoopa bellowed.

"Come on!" Darkrai yelled as music began to glitch. "How bad could I- wait a second. WHY IS MY BACKGROUND MUSIC GLITCHING?"

"Sorry miss." A blue haired merchant said. "We forgot to charge the speaker! It probably won't work for a while."

"WHAT!" Darkrai yelled. "You have got to be KIDDING ME! First, Second, Third! It appears we can't do a musical number after all. That being said, where going home until the STUPID STERO STARTS WORKING. GOODNIGHT!" Darkrai yelled as she and her whole army disappeared.

"Woah." Shulk mused. "She must really love music."


	7. Mystery Manager

"So…" The voice from within the void mused. "You failed the mission…retreated and gave up… ALL BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE A MUSICAL NUMBER?"

"Well…master…I" Darkrai stammered.

"SILENCE!" The voice screamed in fury. "I can't believe you. And don't wear that frivolous disguise!'

"Fine." Darkrai muttered as she transformed into her Pokemon self.

"That's better." The voiced said. "Why do you even disguise yourself as a human? Why does ANYONE?"

"OMG!" A pokemon trainer about the age of ten screamed with delight as she grabbed out a pokeball and ran through the door. "It's Darkrai! I'm going to catch em all!"

Darkrai used psychic on a red piano in the corner and dropped it on the trainer as she changed back into her human form. "I do it because of the… way humans act in our dimension. Seriously! You can't walk a single mile without them throwing a ball at you! And how did she even get in here in the first place, that was oddly convent"

"Don't change the subject!" The voice flared. "First you have the nerve to start a battle without EVEN FORMING YOUR TEAMS, then you retreat for NO REASON!"

"About that. A women mused as she typed into a computer. "The teams are being formed as we speak."

"Good." The voice mused. "Because they might be the only thing I keep from your term as leader of the E.V.I.L"

"The only thing you keep?" Darkrai echoed as the women walked out.

"Ah yes." The voice smiled. "Hades might take charge from here. We found a way to… put him back… together again."

"B-but-" Darkrai stammered.

"I said 'might'." The voice snapped.

"Might?" Darkrai echoed in shock. "Ar-are you…"

"Giving you a second chance?" The voice said. "Yes. Even I'm surprised."

"Thank you!" Darkrai breathed.

"BUT!" The voice yelled. "There's a but! You need to prove yourself first. How? By impressing me."

There was a silence.

"I-IMPRESS YOU?" Darkrai screamed. "B-but that's impossible! Your only impressed…"

"With mass genocide and curses on entire nations?" The voice finished. "Yes. You have until next Monday to come up with some kind of spell or poison or SOMETHING that wows me. And on Tuesday… you will perform the spell and then we'll see IF you get to keep that position of yours. Because if not, you're getting booted down to janitor duty. Now go. I have planning to do. EVIL planning."

The void vanished as Darkrai was left speechless.

* * *

"So." Hoopa smiled as he ate a donut and looked around the restaurant. "This is where you work? I heard somewhere that this place is pure fan service and pleasure."

Lucina nodded. "It's embarrassing to admit but yes."

"Cool!" Hoopa smiled as he summoned another donut.

"Why did you try to recruit him again?" Shulk asked.

"Because." Lucina snapped. "He's powerful and he looks like a lot of fun to be around."

"Yes but-" Shulk started.

"Is there a problem?" Lucina asked as she grabbed Shulk's face.

"No-NO!" Shulk cried as his face began to turn red.

"You do realize that both of us are partially saints." Lucina said as she let him go. "Having a troublemaker around will do us wonders in the not-being-bored-to-death department. Now come on. Let's put on our costumes."

"I thought you two had to be a cat and a maid." Hoopa said as he looked at the costumes.

"We do!" Shulk cried as he grabbed a note next to a bikini and a Pikachu costume. " _Dear Employees. These are today's costumes. Did I mention we change them daily? Opps. Sorry. I always forget. Sincerely King."_

"WHAT?" Lucina cried as she grabbed the swimsuit. "I'm NOT wearing this! It's two…skimpy!"

"It does look like you'll be showing a lot of skin." Shulk marveled. "Why are you so worried?"

"No…no reason!" Lucina cried.

"Wait a second…" Shulk said. "Are you…body consensus?"

"WHAT?" Lucina cried as she began to blush. "N-NO! What give you THAT dumb idea! I'll just go get changed. YEAH! At least there's this transparent veil so I won't be COMPLETELY bare."

"Huh." Shulk said as she ran away. "Who would've guessed?"

"What did you expect Pretty Boy?" Hoopa asked as he summoned a camera. "No one's perfect. Well expect me of course."

"What's the camera for?" Shulk asked.

"Potential Blackmail." Hoopa smiled. "It's always good to have a leverage on both your allies and your foes. Or did no one inform you…Pretty Boy."

"Stop calling me that!" Shulk snarled as he snatched Hoopa's donut.

"I give everyone expect the people I respect a stupid nickname so don't take it personally." Hoopa snapped. "Now give me back the donut."

"I don't think so!" Shulk smiled as he took a bite out of it. _Why am I acting like this? Do I want to prove I'm superior? Or is it…jealously?_

"WHA-You MONSTER!" Hoopa cried in horror. "This means war!"

"Try me." Shulk snarled.

"What are you two fighting about?" Lucina cried as she walked forwards.

"Nothing-Woah." Hoopa gasped as he took a look at her outfit.

"What's wrong?" Lucina asked.

"Nothing." Shulk said as he fought back drool and his nose began to bleed. "Wow. I thought this place was supposed to be for little kids."

"It's not." Hoopa smiled. "It might say that on the commercial but it's really for perverts to gape at cute girls. Why do you think that they show porn videos on the screen? Anyways you look like Slave Leia."

"WHAT?" Lucina cried as she covered herself up in embarrassment. Around her, several other workers began to whisper.

"You look fine." Shulk smiled as he gave her his vest. "Relax. No one is judging you."

"Is your nose bleeding?" Lucina demanded.

"Don't pay any attention to that." Shulk said.

Suddenly the door opened as the King and a blonde haired women.

"WOW!" The King cried. "You all look AMAZING! AAAHHHHH! I feel like I'm in HEAVAN!"

"What the heck!" The women cried. "I thought this place was for children!"

"What's not kid-friendly here dumb-fuck?" The King asked. "Just look at the guys in their Pikachu costumes! Well, expect for Shulk."

"Well two things." The women snapped. "One. You just said a curse word. Two. Yes the boys are kid friendly, but the girls? Their literally in their underwear! Or less, to be precise."

"I know but…" The King started. "They look so hot."

"Hey Shulk." Lucina whispered.

"Huh?" Shulk asked. "Is there something wrong?"

"This is my first job." Lucina mused as her hand curled up into a fist. "Would I get fired if I, oh I don't know, killed my boss?"

Shulk nodded.

"Dang it." Lucina said.

"Are you…" Shulk started.

"Ok?" Lucina answered. "I'm fine. I can handle a few perverts looking at me."

"You disgust me." The women snapped. "Hello there. My name is Lusamine and I'm the new manager."

"New manager?" Hoopa echoed.

Lusamine nodded. "I lost my old job because I went insane so now I need to start fresh."

"But…Sire." Shulk said to the King. "What do you need her for? You never leave this place."

"True." The King smiled. "But I could use some help. Lucina!"

"Yes?" Lucina asked her face still extremely red.

"Embarrassed my sweet?" The King asked. "Don't worry you look great. Now come on. Let's go to the boiler room."

"Fine." Lucina hissed as she began to follow him. "And by the way. If you call me that again, I will kill you."

"Then you'll be fired by my spirit." The King beamed.

Lucina groaned and grabbed a sheet of paper that read 'Kick Me' and taped it to his back.

"So now." Lusamine smiled. "Go work. I have some business I need to do for another job."

"What's that?" Hoopa asked as he drew the King's face on Jar Jar Binks.

"Forming teams." Lusamine said. "You see, I work for another organization. We call ourselves the E.V.I.L"


	8. 12 Hours

_The E.V.I.L?_ Shulk thought in horror as he shared a glance with Hoopa. _Oh no. Wait a second. Isn't the King supposed to be friends with Master Hand? So why did he hire her?_

"What's that?" A women asked.

"A cooperation bent on making the world a better place!" Lusamine beamed. "They're wonderful people, who, on top of all else, are helping me search for… two people I hold dear."

"Like her fur coats." Hoopa muttered under his breath.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shulk asked. "I don't see her wearing any fur."

"Please Pretty Boy." Hoopa snapped. "If anyone screams Cruella De Vil it's that women."

"I don't see it." Shulk said. "For one thing, she has blonde hair and a yellow dress. That's the exact OPPISITE of…"

"Did you have something to say…" Lusamine started before beginning to stare at him in shock.

"Is there something wrong?" Shulk asked.

"N-nothing." Lusamine stammered. "You just…remind me of someone."

"Like your groomer?" Hoopa asked.

Lusamine frowned. "Say, I've never seen a pokemon like you before. How can you talk?"

"Telepathy." Hoopa said as he summoned a dictionary. "It's defined as the… I just realized that I don't know how to read."

"How nice." Lusamine grimaced. "Listen up everyone! The King is doing his work downstairs. That being said, I'm in charge. So get to work! Expect for you." She said as she pointed at Shulk.

"Who me?" Shulk asked nervously.

Lusamine nodded. "There's something I need to talk to you about. So follow me into the closet."

"A-alright." Shulk said nervously as he followed Lusamine and exchanged a glance with Hoopa.

"So." Lusamine said once both of them had entered the area. "Shulk."

"Ye-yes miss…" Shulk stammered. "Wait a second! How do you know my name?"

"You're quite famous." Lusamine smiled. "Being the Heir to the Monado and all. I've heard all about you from my brother."

"You have a sibling?" Shulk asked.

Lusamine nodded. "He was a scientist like me."

"'Was'" Shulk echoed. "Did he-"

"Die?" Lusamine finished. "I'm afraid so. But I've moved on. Now then. I hear you're also a member of Master Hand's 'Freak Patrol'."

"Ye-HOW DID YOU FIND THAT OUT?" Shulk cried.

"I could tell." Lusamine snickered. "After all. What would someone from Smash being doing in a place like this? As a _worker_ of all things! Entire you're undercover or the King's gotten super desperate."

"Why would the King be desperate for workers?" Shulk asked.

"Because no one wants to work here." Lusamine mused. "And who can blame em? Once you put on that costume and people see you in it, your life is permanently ruined. Also all of his workers have been quitting right and left on him, not because of the costumes however."

"Then what is it for?" Shulk asked.

"Let's not get into that." Lusamine smiled as she walked out and closed the door. "Besides why are you going to focus on why everyone got fired, instead of getting out of that closet?"

"What do you mean?" Shulk asked as he tried to move the knob to the door. It didn't budge.

"I'm locking you in the closet." Lusamine's voice said from outside. "And don't try to complain."

"Wha-WHY?" Shulk cried as he banged his fists against the door in frustration.

"Don't take it the wrong way." Lusamine said as her voice began to fade. "We just need to imprison you for torturing and bribe. So fall asleep."

"NO WAY!" Shulk cried as a beam of light appeared and a strange, rather huge beast flew down from above, spraying a purple aroma. "Wha-what ar…" Shulk muttered before falling asleep.

"Excellent work my sweet beast." Lusamine purred. "Now come on. We must report to the great master…"

* * *

 _Ouch._ Shulk thought as he woke up and touched his hand to his hand, which he immediately parried off after feeling something cold and wet. _Shaving cream. Hilarious._ "Help!" He yelled as he pounded on the door. "Someone help!"

After a couple of minutes a young women with turquoise hair opened the door. "Huh? Who are you?"

"Thank you." Shulk breathed. "I'm a worker. I-I work here I mean. What time is it?"

"Twelve pm." The girl said as she checked her watch.

"WHA-I've been asleep for 12 hours?" Shulk cried.

"Well that depends." The girl said. "Wait a second- are you Shulk?"

Shulk nodded.

"Well that's a relief." The girl breathed. "Lucina has been looking everywhere for you."

"Sh-she has?" Shulk asked. "Wait a second. How do you know her?"

"Two words: voting gault." The girl said. "I'm still a bit mad about that, but oh well. Guess I wasn't waifu material. My name is Eirika by the way. I work here as a janitor."

"Nice to meet you." Shulk bowed. "So where is Lucina at the moment?"

"Honestly, I don't know." Eirika admitted. "I saw her after the second the King was done with her. She was on the brink of tears. Poor thing. I really hope that the police looks into what the King does to his female and male workers down there."

"Wh-what he does?" Shulk blinked.

Eirika nodded. "Every single day, he brings one of the employees into the basement based the day of the week. Well, some people get taken twice. No one knows what he does to them, but sometimes screams can be heard from underneath."

"That's why his employees quit so often!" Shulk realized out loud.

"Indeed." Eirika agreed. "He hasn't been caught because of his close friendship with Master Hand, who covers for him on a daily basis."

"And the police believe him because…" Shulk asked.

"They're terrified of him." Eirika revealed. "After all, he managed to create the Hali Train, a gate to other worlds, which just goes to prove the insane amount of power he possesses. It just goes to show the cold truth of all of the worlds."

"Cold truth of all of the worlds?" Shulk asked.

"Whoever has the most power is feared the most." Eirika mused as she pulled out a slip of paper. "But enough about that. I have Lucina's phone number right here."

"Thank you." Shulk breathed as he entered the numbers into the phone and held it up to his ear.

But no one answered.

"Huh." Shulk mused. "Maybe her phone died…" He stopped when he heard a ringing sound coming from the kitchen. He ran in there only to discover her phone on the table.

"Maybe she left it." Eirika mused as Shulk grabbed it and a picture of a Sableye flashed up on the screen.

"Hello there." Sableye grinned as he began to wave.

"AAAHHHHH!" Shulk screamed as he grabbed a match and lit it, only to realize Lucina wouldn't be too happy if he burned it down.

"Huh? OMG!" Sableye yelled. "It's my favorite rape victim! How are you doing?"

"Favorite…wait WHAT?" Eirika cried.

"What… WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Shulk cried.

"Facetiming you." Sableye smiled as gold coins flew up into the air behind him. "Well I meant to facetime your boss, but this might be even better!"

"What do you want?" Shulk growled.

"What do I want?" Sableye asked. "Well, I was going to demand a duel from Lucina, but since we're both at the ball tonight, I'll just do it face to face."

"Ball?" Shulk asked. "What's she doing there?"

"She's in a meeting with some weird looking female elf." Sableye mused. "Now, toddles!"

The phone turned black as Sableye hung up.

* * *

 **Just as an FYI this isn't the only time Eirika from Fire Emblem will being showing up in one of my fics. I'm going to add her to Another Chance At Happily Ever After as well, because I hate the way I wrote Lucina in Will This Be a Modern Day Fairytale (it's processor. Also, that is the reason I haven't returned to Another Chance At Happily Ever After).**


End file.
